Wednesday, January 18, 2012
I know my husband, Melford, wrote you recently asking for some crazy advice, and that is just exactly what he got. How can you keep giving out worthless advice that only causes problems in other people's lives? Melford has never smoked in his life, now he is leaving half-smoked cigarettes all over the house. I keep running around the house putting out cigarettes. I feel like a fire brigade.
Also, the other day he pulled up to the house with a U-haul and started hauling out all my old newspapers that I have saved up over the years along with all the cardboard index cards I made out of used cereal boxes. I was planning to reread those newspapers. Now they're gone. It's all your fault! Why don't you mind your own business?
You'd better get all those newspapers and index cards out of the house before it burns down. Why weren't you helping your husband load the U-Haul? Wilma, don't you know that the dog pound needs newspaper to line the dog cages? And the homeless shelter is also running short on blankets. You need to be satisfied knowing that you are helping the homeless, both human and hound.
I didn't tell Melford to actually smoke the cigarettes. I just thought they would help reduce the clutter. You haven't seen a bulldozer, have you?
Crazy advice to you,