Wednesday, January 25, 2012
State of the Onion
Mr. O Wrote:
Did you watch the "state of the onion" address last night. I thought I did a pretty good job of painting a good picture of things that people wanted to hear while avoiding the real issues. I hope that my approval rating goes from 43% to 44%. Some of those democrats will follow me anywhere. Right or wrong they will follow me. Yes, sir! That's a good feeling. But, what I didn't like last night was that half the people stood and cheered me and the other half booed me. Now, I don't like being booed. Do you have any ideas as to how I can stop the booing? And, by the way, I'm still waiting for your endorsement.
Since you are seeking my endorsement I took the liberty of calling you by your first name. Anyway, there a numerous ways to stop the booing.
First, you need to get a list of names of those who boo you and make sure they get a threat to be audited by the IRS. That will make them turn pale. They won't even show up at your speeches anymore.
Secondly, raise their taxes. After all, some of them make just about as much money as you do.
Thirdly, force them to get government health care. Everyone knows that private health care is only for elite democrats.
Fourthly, take their private airplanes away. Everyone knows that only the environmentalists have jobs important enough to use private jets.
Last of all, make them all drive electric cars.
Once it is proven that all your policies are failing, they will all start cheering.
Just one question Mr. President, do electric cars still work during a blackout?
Committed to crazy advice,