Messy Husband

Donna Wrote:

Dear Rod,

Why is it that men have to be so messy? I've been married to my husband, Jake, for nine years now and he is as messy as the day we got married. It all started on our honeymoon. Why he took off his clothes and just threw them on the floor and the next thing I knew he was throwing me on the bed. I thought right then and there, "this guy's a slob."

Oh, he tries to be a neaty, but he just can't make the grade. I keep telling him that when he removes his shoes he needs to put them in the shoe rack. Same with the other stuff, like his belt should go on the belt hook, the socks back in the sock drawer, the jeans in the jeans drawer, etc.

He tries to help with the laundry but I end up refolding the towels, ironing the sheets, re-folding the socks and underwear. Sometimes I even have to empty the lint trap.

After he showers, he does hang his towels, but I have to re-hang them. Same thing after he dries dishes, I have to re-hang the dish towel and hand towel. After he wipes off the countertops I have to wipe them again. When he dusts the floors, I have to go over them again.

Even when he makes the bed I have to straighten the covers and fluff the pillows. Sometimes I get so mad at him that when he gets home from his construction job I really lay into him.

I'm tired of nagging him. What shall I do?

Dear Donna,

First, I want to sympathize with you for being married to such an inept clutz. I can't imagine what it would be like being married to someone who can't even fold his socks right or perfectly hang a towel in the bathroom. Your countertops must be crawling with germs and vermin. Tripping over a guy's shoes has to be about the worst thing a woman can do. Your husband must be really pathetic.

Here's what I suggest you do: First, you need to yell at him a little more. That will show him you really mean business. Secondly, send him to obedience school. I'm sure they have those for husbands in just about every major city now. Then, in the evenings after he is off work make him go to classes on "how to be a better husband." I think every church has a class like that. Finally, keep comparing him to your sister's husband who must be supercalifragilistic (Practically perfect in every way).

I'm pretty sure that in due time he will smarten up......and you won't be picking up after him anymore.

Committed to crazy advice,

Rod