Boat Load

Sherry wrote:

Dear Rod,

I've been married to my husband Gary for nearly two years now, and we haven't had any children as we have both been trying to advance our careers. I feel that we have both been happy and fulfilled up until now and we have occasionally talked about having a baby. But the other day Gary announced that he would like to have "a boat load" of kids. I was absolutely stunned and frankly got a little scared. I don't want a "boat load." What am I to do?

Dear Sherry,

I'm glad you asked the crazy advice expert. I believe you have several options.

First of all, find out what size of boat he is talking about. Is this a cruise ship or a canoe. You might be willing to handle the canoe if it is a three passenger and both you and him are in it paddling.

Secondly, send Gary out on some errands. Have him pick up a large box of Pampers, a case of baby formula, two dozen jars of baby food, six cute outfits for a girl and six for a boy, baby booties, baby stockings, a crib, a high chair, a changing table, a dresser, and things to decorate the nursery. Then when he shows you the bill for everything, remind him that this is just the beginning of what he will spend on one of those cute little babies. My guess is that his boat will get smaller.

Thirdly, ask a friend who has a new baby for one of the dirty diapers. Wrap it up in a nice package and give it to Gary. When he opens it let him know that he has to share in changing those and that there is a good possibility that your house may smell like that for years to come.

Then have Gary research the price of a college education at a good university, car insurance for a teenager, and braces for the kids teeth. After Gary turns pale he may settle for a very small. I think Gary would settle for one kid of either sex.

Remind Gary that it will take both of your careers to support the kid and also buy a house and save for retirement.

Good luck with your boat load,

Rod