Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Mr. O Wants My Endorsement
Mr. O Wrote:
As you know, I am the President, and there is a big election coming up. I see that the candidates from the other side are all writing you for some advice and for your endorsement. That just goes to show that they are not very smart. But, having said that, I would like a little advice myself. The polls show that Mr. Mitts could possibly beat me in November. But if I had your endorsement I think I could pull this election off. Besides, I want you to know that if you endorse him, you are a racist and I will see to it that the IRS will audit you. So, any advice you can give me will be helpful.
Dear Mr. O,
It was quite an honor and a little frightening to hear from. Actually, I was quite surprised because I was expecting to hear from Mr. Sanitation.
Concerning the endorsement, you do realize that Mr. Ginko has offered $75,000 for my endorsement? But I just happen to be running a special for sitting Presidents..... $150,000. Take it or leave it. Is it possible to endorse one Republican and one Democrat?
Mr. O, I'm not sure why you want to be President a second term. Already more than half the country hates you. Aren't you satisfied with that? That's the way it goes, they love you enough to elect you, then they start hating you right away. Everything that happens is naturally your fault. My first advice to you would be to quit your job and go work on Wall Street.
Because the voters are leaning against you right now, I would encourage you to send them a reality check. Oh, sorry! I meant a real check. Instead of giving a trillion dollars to bail out corporations, just send each voter a check. I'm sure they will love you for it. Just make sure you personally sign all two hundred million checks or the voters will think some sneaky Republican sent it.
Also, get rid of Mr. foot in the mouth (Mr. B). Ask someone substantial to be your running mate from outside of Washington, like Jay Leno or David Letterman. Even Dan Rather would be better than Mr. B. Donald Trump might jump at the chance. I hear Vladmir Putin may soon need a job.
I will be glad when this election is over 'cause I'm getting tired of all these politics. I want to start giving real crazy advice to real crazy people.
Write me and let me know how things work out.
Your crazy advice advisor,