Backwards Knees

Mary Ann wrote:

Dear Rod,

My husband, Dale, recently had double knee replacement and we are home doing the rehab now. Right after we got home Dale started complaining that the surgeon put his new knees in backwards. I tried to assure him that a surgeon would never do that. But Dale kept insisting. And now that I look at him closely it does seem a little strange that his knees bend forward instead of backward. When he sits at the dinner table his legs either have to be straight out in front of him or he bends them upward so his feet are on either side of his head. When I look at him it is so sad and hideous that I want to cry. Other times it just strikes me as funny and I can't stop laughing. Dale gets mad at me, but I can't help it.

Also, it is very strange when he tries to walk. One foot or the other keeps flipping up in front of him. I told Dale that he needs to go back and get it corrected. But Dale said the surgery was too painful and he don't know if he wants to be operated on again.

Do you have any advice for me?

Mary Ann

Dear Mary Ann,

You have a very interesting situation on your hands. I think you have several options.

First of all, you could either put an ottoman under the dinner table for Dale to rest his feet on or you could cut two slots in the table about six inches wide and thirty inches long so Dale can bend his legs while eating. Of course, you will have to learn to keep a straight face while sitting at the table with him.

Secondly, teach Dale to walk with stiff legs so his feet won't keep flipping up in front of him. Once he gets to the car, though, his feet will have to point in the air. Getting out of the car might be a problem.

Thirdly, you could contact a carnival and see if they would accept Dale as one of their freak shows.

Or, you could contact Dale's physician and see if they will promise to use an anesthetic this time when the corrections are made.

Hope I've helped you,

Committed to crazy advice,

Rod