Stanley, the Teacher Replies

Stanley wrote:

Dear Rod,

A few days ago I asked you for advice, and boy did it ever work! I am now the most popular teacher at our middle school. The whole atmosphere of my classroom has changed. I sure took care of the problem with the three disruptive boys.

I went right out and bought a couple packs of Juicy Fruit and brought it to school and started chewing away. I didn't chew it too much. I wanted the gum to be real sticky and sloppy. Then I put it on the chairs of Jason, Ryan, and Paul (the three boys) just before class. Of course, they rushed into class right after the bell rang and sat right in it. I could hardly contain myself. Then I started calling out names of the students to come and get their test papers. It was so hilarious. When Jason stood, his chair stuck to his behind. The class just roared. The same thing happened to Ryan and Paul. I just sat there gloating. I've never been prouder of myself.

Of course, that didn't solve all the problems. In the middle of class the students started tweeting and texting on their cell phones. Well, I tweeted and texted right back. You should have seen the look on the students faces. Now we have the quietest classroom in the whole school. The only sounds are ring tones. I do all my teaching by texting and tweeting now. They answer all the questions the same way. I have more class participation than ever before. Now there is no reason for the kids to miss class. If they skip school and go to the mall, I can still teach them by tweeting. I have never enjoyed teaching more!

But now I have a new problem. The superintendent wants to talk to me about the three boys pants that I ruined. He also wants to know why my class is so quiet. What should I tell him?

Dear Stanley,

I'm glad things are working out for you. I believe you have options. 1) Tell your superintendent that you would like to meet with him face to face, but the meeting may be more effective you you texted back and forth. 2) Tell him that you don't know who put the gum on the boys' chairs, but you will look into it. 3) Tell him that your students are quietly studying away and that all their grades are improving. 4) Or, tell him the truth and plan on early retirement.

I'm glad I could help you Stanley. Write me and let me know where you are applying for work.

Committed to crazy advice,

Rod