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Sunday, January 22, 2012

Driver's Ed

Cindy Wrote:

Dear Rod,

I am in Driver's Education and I hope to get my driver's license soon. But I am having a few problems. For one, I don't like my driver's ed teacher. He keeps yelling at me and when he does it confuses me and I always make the wrong decision like step on the gas instead of stepping on the break. Once I accidentally put the car in reverse, but, hey, I'm a student, not an experienced driver. When I was a kid, I'd watch my dad drive. When he went around a corner he'd just let the steering wheel slip back through his fingers and the car would straighten out. I can't figure out why it don't work for me. Anyway, Mr. Smith, my teacher slammed on the breaks and I just about went through the windshield. Then he started in on yelling at me again. He looked a little pale. I started crying. Anyway, you can see what a pain my teacher is. Do you have any advice?


Dear Cindy,

Don't feel so bad. Some people never get a driver's license, and others shouldn't. I think your biggest problem is that Mr. Smith doesn't like you, either. You probably haven't even brought him an apple pie yet. They say that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach and I can think of no better route than apple pie. So give him the apple pie, smile real big, and apologize for your near accidents. I think your lessons will go better with his mouth stuffed full of pie.

Then you need to figure out what PRNDL means. No, that's not the name of the car. When the lever on the right side of the steering wheel puts the red mark on P, that means you are in park. You can step on the gas a lot and the car won't move. Don't blame Mr. Smith for that. When you put the red mark on R, that means you are "raring" to go...... backwards. That also means you have to look backwards. N means neutral and I don't know of any cars that have neutral any more. But that is probably where Mr. Smith feels safe when you are driving. D means Drive. That means you can now step on the gas and move forward. L means Low. Lower gears mean more power but slower speeds. Promise Mr. Smith you will drive in L. I have an idea he likes lower speeds.

If all fails, send in 5 Wheaties box tops to General Mills along with 50 cents and get your drivers license that way. I'm pretty sure half the drivers in the USA have already done that.

Write me and let me know how this works out. I could use one of those apple pies, too.

Dedicated to foolishness,


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