Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Mr. Ginko Seeks Endorsement
Mr. Ginko wrote:
I read your blog recently and realized how valuable your crazy advice is. To be honest, you are as about coherent as a Democrat. But I will let that pass for now. Did you see the debate the other night. Boy, did I ever smoke 'em. I left Mr. Mitts and Mr. Sanitation in the dust. I was on a roll man. But the problem is, Rod, is that Mr. Mitts is still leading in the polls and I need some real crazy advice to pull ahead. Also, getting an endorsement from a well read blogger like you would really help. Do you have any new strategy for me?
Dear Mr. Ginko,
Thanks for writing me. I am honored.
But first things first. Mr. Mitts offered $50,000 for my endorsement. What is your offer. Mind you, I still expect to hear from Mr. Sanitation.
A new strategy would be to start telling the truth. I know it's hard and takes discipline. But if you tell the truth sincere enough, the voters might be convinced that it's not just another lie. Tell them "Cross my heart and hope to die." Try to say it with a straight face.
Another piece of advice that could be very effective is to associate yourself with Tim Tebow. While giving one of your speeches in front of the cameras, do the "Tebow." The Democrats will hate you even more, but all the Republican will rally around.
Then to convince the voters that you are just a humble family man, tell the crowd that you take the garbage out at your house. Make sure your wife is there nodding her head "yes".
Then, finally, Mr. Ginko, Get a cute puppy and hold him while making a speech. No other candidate has done this yet. People are dog lovers and they will vote for a dog lover. For good measure, hold a pussy cat the next time you speak. Some voters are cat people. And while you are at it, promise all the voters free pet food. Oh, sorry, I forgot they already get that with food stamps.
Don't forget that Mr. Mitts is also counting on me. I'm very principled as I can only be sold to the highest bidder.
I'll be waiting to see you on TV holding that cute little puppy.
Committed to crazy advice,