The Pack Rat

Melford wrote:

Dear Rod,

Boy am I ever glad to have someone to get advice from! We are an elderly couple that has lived in the same house for over thirty years. We have the two car garage (only one car), the shed in the back yard, the storage room in the basement and the basement itself. You would think that we have plenty of storage, but my wife, Wilma, is a pack rat. I think she has saved everything we have ever owned. She has all the baby clothes, the kids clothes, the potty chair, the high chair, the crib, 45 years worth of Christmas cards, At least that many years worth of tax papers, our old bicycles, the kids, bicycles, seven or eight old toasters, at least than many old coffee pots, old magazines and comics. On an on! Now the stuff is stacking up in the living room, dining room, kitchen, spare room, etc. You name it, and the junk is there. I tried to tell her that we need to get rid of the stuff. But she won't let go. She thinks all this junk has value and that we will be rich some day.

What shall I do?

Dear Melford,

I can see you have real problem but I can also see that you have options.

First, you need to tell Wilma that you are in your 80's and it is now time to be rich. Don't go the route of a yard sale because you will be the rest of your life standing in the front yard. Hire an auctioneer who promises to haul away all the worthless junk that doesn't sell.

Secondly, you could drag all your dirty tools into the kitchen and dining room. When Wilma complains you can cut a deal that when everything else goes, the tools will go.

Thirdly, you can haul the recyclables to the redemption center. You might make enough to pay your gas.

Fourthly, you can accidentally leave a lit cigarette in a bad spot while you take Wilma to dinner.

Or, Lastly, you could hire an excavator to bulldoze the house.

Write me and let me know what works for you.

Clearly dedicated to bad advice,

Rod