Dear Rod,
I have been a reporter for many years, and, yes, I have my political preferences (bet you can't guess what they are). But I now have a real dilemma...... Mr. Mitts is using some of my reporting in his TV ad, and he's using it to his advantage. The problem is.... I don't like Mr. Mitts or any other republican because I represent the liberal media. I know it sounds crazy, me going to a crazy man for advice, but maybe you can come up with something whacky enough to help me out.
Sincerely,
Tommy Brokelaw
Dear Mr. Brokelaw,
I certainly would like to help you out..... that is, help you right out of business. I always say that you reporters should be careful of what you say because someday someone may want to quote you and hold your feet to the fire. You make a living off from slamming Republicans and calling it fair reporting. Now Mr. Mitts would like to make his living by quoting you. Sounds fair to me.
However, if you insist on me helping you, you will have to follow my advice closely.
First of all, when you report, turn your microphone off. Secondly, turn your camera off. Thirdly, keep your trap shut. Fourthly, use others as you would have others use you. And finally, go to speech therapy.... I never could understand what you were saying.
Oh, and did I mention that you shouldn't get so mad over things. Just remember when you spin the news to suit your own purposes... others are spinning you. I guess what goes around comes around.
I wish you the best in retirement,
Rod
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