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Sunday, March 4, 2012

Rod's a Poet and Doesn't Know it

Clifford wrote:

Dear Rod,

I heard through the grapevine that you are quite a poet, and yet I have never seen any of your poetry. Do you do stuff like "Roses are red and violets are purple, sugar is sweet and so is maple syruple?" (Roger Miller). Just what kind of poetry do you do?


Dear Clifford,

I don't know what grapevine you hear this bunch of nonsense on. But, yes, I write poetry if you can actually call it that. What type, I dunno. Below is a poem I wrote in response to my frustration with alphabetical discrimination, and that is also the title.


I'm a Speed and not an Avery
that in itself is "societal slavery"
I call it "alphabetical discrimination"
and I intend to fight it with determination

When in the Army I had to stand in line....
Third platoon, third squad, third in line
We Speeds were never first...always near last
That's how the military die was cast

Avery, he was always up front
To the Speeds the message was very blunt
He was first and we were last
That's how the military die was cast

As we stood in ranks to get our chow
It all comes back so clearly now
Avery was the first in line
This was repeated time after time

He would get his chow and sit in a chair
We Speeds were always still standing there
Inside and warm Avery is on his seat
Outside in the cold we were still on our feet

By the time we get in to eat our meal
Avery is back in the barracks letting his "poor feet" heal
He has a half-hour or so of free time
We Speeds go right back to work after we dine

So that's the way it is all through life
The A's and the S's are bound to have strife
Avery, you see, he isn't any better
His name just happens to start with first letter

Why, just the other day it happened again
College registration, you know....getting in
Avery's and Anderson's could register first
Speeds and Zablockis were under the curse

Avery and Anderson got class of choice
Speed and Zablocki, of course, had no voice
"I'm sorry, Speed, this class is full"
Being an Avery would have been helpful

Avery goes on to get his higher education
My learning is slowed due to this situation
"A" is for "Avery" and all the breaks
"S" is for "Speed" for heaven sakes

I think I have found the solution to my woe
I must change my name to Aspeed or Aspeedo
Then Aspeed and Azablocki can get all the breaks
For S and Z have not what it takes

My just once they should go from Z to A
But that, of course, would cause Avery dismay
He's so used to standing in front of the line
Stand back a ways would cause him to whine

This poem was written by Rod Aspeed
I want to thank the Zavery's and Sanderson's for reading it last

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