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Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Mr. O's Fair Share

Mr. O Wrote:

Dear Rod,

For a while it seemed as though I was becoming more popular with the American people as my ratings went up. Those republicans just keep tearing each other apart. But now my popularity is going back down, and I just don't get it. I'm going to have to do something before this next election. Do you have any advice as to what I can do?

And, by the way, I'm still waiting for your important endorsement. I'll give you half the price you are asking. I'm sure we'll be able to get most of it back through taxes.

Mr. O

Dear Mr. O

I am once again honored by your letter and your desire to have my endorsement. However, as my readership has gone up dramatically as of late, so has the price of my endorsement. After all, one of us has to be principled.

It is always a pleasure to give advice to a president who has his head in his butt. Remember when George H. Bush was running for re-election, the Democrats came up with the slogan "It's the economy, Stupid." I know you would like to twist that to say "it's the stupid economy." Well, both might be right in this case.

So, here is my advice if you want to win this election:

1) Approve the Keystone Pipeline. There's just something psychological about it. Plus we might actually have more oil.

2) Quit telling college student their parents should be proud of them for needing $3,000 per year in contraception.

3) Quit telling tax payers they should pay for that contraception.

4) Quit lying to the Prime Minister of Israel. That was pretty pathetic.

5) Quit telling people you like high gas prices so people will have to ride their bikes to work. Are you trying to turn us into Europe? (don't answer that.)

6) Admit that Obama Care is a big mistake. People like people who own up to their mistakes.

7) Quit trying to force churches to buy your new insurance policy.

8) Quit buying oil from the cartels. Produce more at home and buy from our real friends, Canada.

9) Quit making Americans pay $750,000 for soccer fields for Gitmo. Americans are tired of being taxed to death for this type of foolishness.

Finally, quit begging for my endorsement. I know what you mean that you will get the money back through taxes. Just last week your notorious IRS sent me a tax levy trying to get me to pay someone else's taxes. Man, I'm tired of the corruption in your administration (fire Eric Holder) (fire Leon Panetta). And I'm tired of a tax system that penalizes those who work hard and rewards those who are lazy.

Sorry, Mr. O. But you have a lot of work to do. Your first job is to convince Americans that you are honest. You've asked Americans to do their fair share. I'm I'm asking you to do yours.

I know all this sounds crazy to you. But, after all, this is "Rod's Crazy Advice."



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