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Monday, April 16, 2012

Take Me to the Ballgame!

Delvin wrote:

Dear Rod,

We have four major sports teams in our city and we seldom to never go to see them perform. My wife keeps saying we should do this sometime but we never seem to get it on our calendar and we certainly don't get online to buy tickets. We just can't seem to get into the habit of doing that. Do you have any advice?

Dear Delvin,

Thanks for writing. I really sympathize with your problem. I want you to imagine the tears running down my cheeks. Actually, I'm not crying for you but for the poor underpaid professional players who are trying to feed their families while you and your wife sit there and stonewall on buying tickets. Shame!

Just think of what you and your wife are missing out on by not going to the baseball game. First of all you miss driving through bumper-to-bumper traffic getting there. You miss out on paying $30 for parking. Then you will certainly miss standing in the long line waiting to get in. Then there is finding your seat only to discover the guy in front of you is wearing a big cowboy hat and the guy behind you is already drunk and is about to spill beer on you and your wife. Then you get to miss out on buying $8 hotdogs and $7 cokes. You will certainly miss the nice soft cushion on your seat because you forgot to bring one. And you will miss your umbrella, too because you forgot that at home. You will miss seeing the faces of your favorite players because you are sitting too far back and forgot your binoculars. You won't even recognize your favorite players by number because the other day the all wore #42.

I'm asking, why would anyone actually want to go to the game when they can watch it on the HD 50 inch screen TV, park in the garage, enjoy 50 cent hotdogs and cokes, sit in a padded chair where the footrest flips up and the bathroom is just down the hall. At home you also get to see the important plays several times and the person next to you isn't spilling beer on you. A great night in for the two of you for about $10. And you don't have to worry about the beer drinking fan driving in the next lane.

And Delvin, don't you just love it that you didn't spend about $100 to sit in the rain and watch your team lose while the $20 million guy throws his bat down in anger?

Hope I've helped.

Committed to crazy advice,


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