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Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Poor Loser

Cindi wrote:

Dear Rod,

I've got a real problem that I don't know how to solve. Me and my sister like to play board games and cards and things like that together. In school I was always the better student like as in making the honor roll. My sister Katie never made the honor roll even once. Yet she almost always wins these games. I know I am smarter but she is always winning. Do you have some advice for me?

Dear Cindi,

It looks to me like you have a real life or death problem here. Your situation is of absolutely no interest to my readers or myself, yet, for some unknown reason beyond reason it was the best problem of the day. So, yes, I do have some advice for you.

First of all, I would advise you to quit playing with your sister because you are getting a loser's complex. Conversely, your sister is getting a winner's complex. It will be really hard for you to beat her. And since the joy of the game for you is winning I suggest you quit while Katie is ahead.

Secondly, if you insist on playing games, you could do what most people do in your situation do.....resort to cheating. In fact, the reason your sister always wins must be because she is cheating. If Katie is younger than you, she probably learned early that she had to lie and cheat to beat you. She will go a long way in life. Mr. O is proof of that.

Thirdly, don't think you are so smart just because you made the honor roll. That mainly means that they filled your young skull full of mush with liberalism. That doesn't necessarily mean you are smart, it just means you don't like paper mills. Look at me, I never made the honor roll once and here I am writing this blog. Can you beat that for success?

Finally, find another liberal to play with. You will both find a way to lose. That aught to be a lot of fun. Just don't go to Vegas to play because ironically, all the risk takers are conservatives.

Oh gee, I didn't mean for this to turn political. I'll sure be glad when this presidential election is over.

Committed to crazy advice,


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