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Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Puppy Lovers

Sharon wrote:

Dear Rod,

I'm a fourteen year old girl and I have my first boyfriend whose name is Sam, I call him Sammie. I like him a lot, in fact, I think I love him.....he's so cute. The other girls at school envy me. But to be honest, having a boy friend isn't turning out the way I thought it would. I mean, I don't think Sammie loves me the same way that it love him, and he doesn't do all the things that I think a boyfriend should do.

For example, like on Valentine's Day, I thought he should have brought me twelve red roses, a box of chocolates, and a nice card. Then he should have taken me out to eat at a nice restaurant. But all I got was a silly little card like what sixth graders give out. I was so disappointed.

Another example is, well, like, he never opens doors for me, or let's me go ahead of him in the cafeteria line. Also, he doesn't like to hold hands as much as I do.

I need some really crazy advice cause all I ever hear my mom say is "Drop him, he's a loser!"


Dear Sharon,

What makes you think that all of a sudden, I am a counsellor? I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. You should know better than to write me, because, in the real world no one can really figure out a teenager.....let alone, two of them. But since you asked....

What you have is a real case of "Puppy Love!" what I mean is, you love puppies. You like cute and cuddly puppies that jump up on your lap and lick your face. Puppies are a little different than boys are, though. The reason you got no Valentine's gifts is because your boyfriend, Sammie, has no money. And why do you call him "Sammie?" And the reason he doesn't open doors for you is because boys don't do that any more and because he is a loser. Actually, most boys are losers.

So here is what you should do: Drop him so you can get better grades in school.

Hope I've helped.

Committed to crazy advice,

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