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Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Mr. Sanitation Complains

Dear Rod,

As you know me and Mr. Mitts are in a virtual tie for the Republican nomination. In Michigan I had a substantial lead until Mr. Mitts started running his negative campaign ads. Every time he runs those ads I lose ground. I just wish he would run a clean campaign. Besides, I don't see how he can complain about me and criticize me when he has Mitts Care on his record. Everyone knows he is uniquely unqualified to be president. What do you think I should do?

Needing your advice,
Mr. Sanitation

Dear Mr. Sanitation,

It seems to me that you are not so clean yourself. All that jibberish the other day about voting against your conscience in order to "take one for the team." That just seemed a little weak to me. I think that you also need to come up with a financial plan. A flat statement about cutting taxes really doesn't say much. My question is, how are you going to cut taxes?

Since you have been making religious beliefs your main platform, you could get really down and dirty by asking Americans, "Do we really want a Mormon in the White House?" After all, everyone knows that that Catholics are better than Mormons. All the Mormons have is the "Tabernacle Choir." Catholics have the pope. No brainer here. But be careful, because the Catholic Americans may support just might be Mr. Ginko. Actually, I think your best chance at the White House is to turn this election into a modern day "Inquisition." I think you really need to muddle the line of separation of church and state.

In all seriousness, I think you need to brace yourself for the long haul and quit complaining. Who wants a complainer for president. Not many, since we already have one. Don't be a whiner; it reminds me too much of Mr. O. And by the way, you are not running against Mr. Mitts, your real foe is Mr. O. Stand up and take leadership and tell us how you will lead our country out of the mess it is in. Give us the plan, man.

Hope I hurt your feelings,

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