Dear Rod,
As you know I am a candidate for the Republican nomination for president. Everyone knows that I'm not serious. Heck, even I know I'm not serious. I just enjoy calling the other candidates fakes, and cutting into their votes so they cannot be nominated. I've never had so much fun. It's a good thing that my supporters don't realize that I'm wasting their money. But, hey, what's wrong with taking a few delegates to the convention?
I was wondering if you have any creative ways for me to bring the other candidates down. If you do, I could sure use your advice.
Also, I was wondering if getting your endorsement would help me to accomplish my goals. I just happen to have a few $ million sitting around.
Sincerely,
Mr. Pull
Dear Mr. Pull,
You sure are nasty. But having said that, I am flattered that you are seeking my advice because you seem to be doing pretty well as a one man wrecking crew. I would give you my endorsement, but how can I be sure that someone as dishonest as you would actually pay. Oh, by dishonest, I mean that you should be running as an independent.... not a Republican because I have a hard time believing you actually are one.
So to make sure that none of the other candidates actually becomes president, I think you should run as an independent. Yes, sir! that would assure us of four more years of Obama. Everyone knows you are a Libertarian, which means all the young people who are too chicken to go to war to defend their country will vote for you.
You can promise big budget cuts because you close down the Department of Defense, because you are so certain that if we talk real nice to our enemies they will leave us alone.
What impresses me with you is that the real "fake" may be calling others a "fake."
Hope I've helped you feel ashamed of yourself.
Committed to crazy advice,
Rod
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